The Onion

I've grown used to suddenly realizing that I am someone else.
Almost every morning, or every time I die, and once when I used the channel changer on the remote, I find that I am in a different reality.
I remember everything I've ever experienced, or think I've experienced, but I have the sudden realization that what I thought was my reality was a lie, and I am born anew into a new universe, sometimes literally.
At first, I thought I was going crazy.  About 1% of all of my reality switches are me coming out of a psychotic episode or schizophrenic delusion due to starting a new psychiatric medication.
Then for a while, it was terrifying.  Not knowing whether my actions were real, and maybe if I sneezed in this reality, in the real reality a level above, I'd strangle a kitten.  It was impossible to live without existential crises for something as simple as buttering toast.
After that, it was depressing.  The thought that nothing I did had any meaning was haunting.
Unfortunately, depression led to nihilism.  I'm not proud of my Groundhog's Day years, up to and including being in hours and hours of footage from the film Groundhog's Day that ended up on the cutting room floor.
Eventually, I settled into a hedonistic utilitarian model.  I became a generally nice guy, a little lazy, just going with the flow.
On Monday, I'm working in an office in a million-unit arcology complex.
On Tuesday, I'm in Hell, reliving all of my past sins.
On Wednesday, I'm the Norse god Wodin, so it's my day.
On Thursday, I'm a galaxy-traversing intelligent energy crystal engaged in a millenium-long sexual act with a semi-sentient cluster of stars.  I experience all of the millenium.
So the Friday immediately after that, I wake up in a Victorian sanitarium where I get amphetamines and high colonics until my untimely death of a morphine overdose.
Then I unplug the virtual reality helmet I've been wearing in my role as a deep VR simulation QA tester.  And it's not even Saturday.  I missed Saturday, and it's Monday already.
That one was extra weird, because as a QA tester for the company in that layer of reality had me go into multiple reality simulations, some of them also nested.  I tried to keep count of where I was in the stack, but the rather dreamlike nature of my existence makes it hard to keep count.
Oh, that's the other thing, sometimes I just wake up and realize all of this is a crazy dream, and then I wake up from that, etc. etc.
Those tend to happen in clusters.
I was a "door guy" for a while.  I had a magic key I could use on a door to go to a different world.  I was being chased by horrible creatures, and jumping from world to world was the only way to keep them at bay.  I met a "door gal" there, too.  I liked her, but neither of us had enough time to get to know each other.
Uh, one time, a pretty blond lady suddenly appeared in front of me and removed my "filters", which plunged me into a horrible post-apocalyptic dust bowl world.  Apparently, I had missed a payment, so my total virtual reality suite was being repossessed.
I was once betrothed to the daughter of a rival chieftain.  It was a marriage of love and convenience.  On our wedding night, she came to me, but the braids of her hair became the branches and leaves of the baobab, and I was to discover that I was hallucinating and delusional from a combination of dehydration, heat stroke, and malaria out here in the middle of the African Sahara Desert, waiting for disease or the ever-present bandits to finish me off.  Instead, I was rescued by the Belgian Foreign Legion and pumped so full of morphine that, and this is fascinating to me, I may now be hallucinating everything that came *after* that, so I might still wake up from my coma in Tunisia and be shipped back home to be executed for my crimes!
After a while, it just got exhausting.  I wanted to just pick one reality at random and stick with it until the end of whatever the end of whatever this is.
I tried to end it at least a few times.  The very last time, I managed to successfully behead myself.  But then, my head sprouted horrible crab legs and skittered off to impregnate a sleeping host by laying an egg in their mouth.  And that egg was me!
And these last few minutes, I've come to the realization that I am actually a simulation that is being executed within the mind of a human reader.
And then with a little pop, I realize that I am the reader and  
pop!